Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Are you fu*kin kidding me?!


This is currently the 323rd day of 2013. My current state is a life (in all it's entirety) of muddled disarray. What did I truly accomplish this year? Yea, I'm bombarded by a sea of shit I did, but I can't name a single deed that made my life. Or brought a sense of living for that matter. My exsistence is a constant, depressing version of a movie that I hate watching, yet it's the only one I own.This scares the shit out of me. The reality is that days can zoom by so fast, only to take u on a trip to nowhere. The time itself is the only proof that life is still moving. However, I've never been a believer in time wasted. Even with the crushing realization that I have: squandered a year of my life working at a place that sucked the soul from me, participated in the slow degradation of all of my important relationships, while also suffering health, financial free fall, and emotional turmoil to boot. Yep. I'm just a ray of sunny delight here. 

However, even through all that, I'm still here. Blessed, with the bare necessities of life and the chance to do it better this time. Some people don't have that much. Shit, indeed, could be worse.

What took 323 days to happen, took a calendar and an instant to wake my zombiefied ass up. How long will it take to reverse the damage? That's unknown, but I'm in this life regardless. I have the (metaphoric) balls to admit I was a player and causer of where my life is at its present. Only I can really change where it will go from here. And moving forward, these balls of mine will grow, along with my courage. I will make better.

Yes, this has been, for its majority, a suck ass year. But I still have 42 days left to go forth and kick some major ass. I'm the only hero in this movie damnit.....